Swinging between Apathy and Empathy….

Is it possible , to feel two extreme emotions within short span of time… is it possible , to live with such vivid spectrum inside oneself… I don’t feel excited for things that are way more important and have great influence in my life.. and sometimes i care about trivial things …

Apathy is one of the characteristic responses of any living organism when it is subjected to stimuli too intense or too complicated to cope with. The cure for apathy is comprehension.

JOHN DOS PASSOS, The Prospect Before Us

Maybe , its because i have burnt before , i am always scared that if i get my hopes up , i ll b disappointed. My history with things goes like this , if the beginning is bad the result is always good… but when my beginning is good , the end result is always bad.

SO now , when i have easy beginning , I am always up and above waiting for the other shoe to drop… and when I have a bad start , well, than i am basically busy trying to find solutions … henceforth , the conclusion NEVER dare to Smile …

maybe thats where the roots of my apathy feeling lies , i am becoming numb , and with people whom i care for , i try to pretend I am happy-go-lucky…

Its not my place to complain , I am really blessed with good life , looking around the world , I see how people are coping , and i see myself lucky to have safe house , and all… but my emotions refuse to believe that… and I gotta atleast confess it to myself, or else i would burn myself out…

Talking about Empathy , I really do feel for the people , I read about in books and watch their stories across news , but at the same time… when there are things circling closer to home , I turn my head other side. I shut myself , i don’t feel. Its an automatic impulse that takes place , like auto immune condition.

Sometimes , I am full of passion , other times I feel like hangover , m overwhelmed  – m poker faced … all this swings make me thing I might be having a medical condition , but than i think maybe i overthink things and make it way more intense than they actually are…

If you are reading this , you would feel totally confused as, what i am getting at??? Where does this para starts and where does it end.. talking in circle.. well i cant help myself , that s how my brain is working right now. forcing my fingers to type even more speedily than my normal pace..

Hope one day i look back at this , and would have figured out , what i was actually going through.. apathy and empathy

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