Why we choose trouble …..

i knew you were trouble

 

The latest Taylor Swift’s song “I knew you were trouble ” forced me into thinking , why we  choose things that are bad for us …. Although we may not always realize it, we all make unconscious choices when we are attracted to someone. Relationships are already tricky things , they spin your head , & messes with your brain. There is this  habitual behavior, the past  memories and lets not forget expectations.So if you are in a damaged relationship and have picked the wrong guy or girl, disaster is almost sure to follow….

These choices are driven by a number of things, both positive and negative , People often have a weakness for the immediate gratification of a pleasant experience, even if it makes for a very poor decision. Gratification over the long term simply doesn’t deliver the same instant, feel-good & u end up with stack of questions …

-Why you’ve stayed in relationships with people you knew won’t bring  good  to you?

-Why you’ve attracted the kind of person that would bring out the other side of you?

-Why does being with that person is so important for you ?

Well there is this pattern , why people fall for the doomed relationship ….

we tend to bring trouble for ourselves

The first logical reason for it starts with the very basic The origins , where everything begins :THE PAST

When  someone has a particularly negative past, especially one from their childhood, they may seek to recreate this scenario so that they can figure out what went wrong with the original relationship and fix it, thus righting two wrongs.& they end up where they began with….

Another reason is what most people ignore even after its too obvious , the need … As human beings we all have needs – physical, emotional and spiritual and our problems come when we expect our partners to fulfill these. We are often attracted to people who have the same needs as us.

It’s funny, the things that haunt us…those little things of whose memories loom so much larger in our minds than they do in others’…regrets…percolating…boiling over…best to let them out, let them know…let it go…

SO rounding up it all comes to emotional programming , our emotional programming is simply a set of decisions and beliefs we made about ourselves, others, and the world in general when we were growing up ,  Each day that we were alive, we collected experiences, and each experience helped us form decisions about ourselves, and about people, about life.

The clue to solve this is quite simple, WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’VE MADE THE LOVE CHOICES YOU HAVE, YOU WILL THEN BE FREE TO MAKE NEW AND BETTER LOVE CHOICES ~

 

 

Advertisements

As a rule -> MAN is a FOOL !!

As a rule , man is a fool

when he gets hot , he wants it cool

when he gets cool , he wants it hot 

he always wants what is not !!

This is very basic human tendency , to complain about things we don’t have , its natural , no one gets everything in life , & so demand goes on .Well, it is simple to say that we always want more than we have or something else because it is in human nature to do so. In fact one of the greatest philosophers, Schopenhauer, admitted that if we get what we want we get used with it and start wanting something else-thus initiating the process all over again.

Its  all a matter of perception ,Life is in fact very complicated and one can’t resume it to “it is in human nature”. Sometimes we want more because we want to evolve, sometimes because we find ourselves caught in the same “today” and we feel the urge to change “today” in a different kind of “today”. There are times when we want something for the sake of wanting itself, for the sake of the entire process of achieving something.

Famous people want to be normal, normal people want to be famous. 

Tall people want to be short, short people want to be tall.

Brown haired girls want blonde hair, Blonde hair girls want brown hair.
Etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.

It is something along the lines of that good old adage about “the grass being greener on the other side.” It is the unattainable that seduces us – it provides for us a challenge, a bit of mystery, and injection of interesting in comparison to what we already know and have. The majority of us live what we see as normal. Boring. Monotonous. We pine over the intangible, making ourself sick over material things, places, people that aren’t obtainable. We obsess and dedicate our lives to owning whatever it is we want, and can’t have.”

It is not that complicated to understand the thirst of curiosity , until you don’t have that thing you don’t know what is the feeling , once you get a hold of it , you would know , sometimes you love that thing , & you are satisfied with wanting it & having it at last , it is a privilege thing for you , but sometimes it disappoints you , and you know how much time you wasted wanting it , but that s how life is .

That’s life. Just realize that if you had everything exactly as you wanted it life would be REALLY boring. Temptation is part f life. Learn to deal with it.

Never Back Down …..

Sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have bad days everyone does. I know it is hard to keep strong and keep moving on. But, you just have to rememeber tomorrow is a better day. You just have to have the courage to believe it will be. Every time I try something I have never done before , start something new , it is difficult , &  the first thought comes to my mind is lets not go any further , but than I just couldn’t live with that feeling that I stopped trying in the very beginning .So again I start & second time its less difficult than the first time , or maybe the problem is same but I just changed my attitude .

Some people are gifted while some train themselves , that’s the difference , but they both achieve things in life , the difference is the one who is gifted doesn’t has to put on as much efforts as the one who is trying to train , but once you decide what you want in life , there s no looking back , stop regretting what you lost in the past , its history , you can not change , but you can not waste your present .

People confuses this two feelings a lot , moving on & trying again … you move on when you feel you have given your best shot & now its not worth doing it all over again , while trying on is like you have n’t yet reached the peak of your intensity , there is still more you can do in it ….. most of people gets lost in choosing the right thing to do at the right time.

But one thing is sure , you can not give up without atleast trying it , you have to stay strong , it would hurt , believe me I know , but once the learning phase is gone , you would feel the happiness that you can’t express it , sometimes you have to prove it to yourself , all the things that happened in your life , all the things you suffered , you owe that much to yourself .

You might not know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice left to you ….

Strength doesn’t come from what you can do , It comes from overcoming things that once you thought you couldn’t Do,    you will discover your true self , your real strengths only when you go through the difficult phase , rainbows only appear when sun rays finds it ways through the dark clouds. Just believe in yourself , never let anyone s opinion about you stop you from doing it.

I don’t need to recall the stories of all great people who have made a remark in the history , by achieving success , by proving people wrong , by trying something impossible & showing it to the world it is possible , one thing is common they never gave up , they gave their best shot ……

Thought of the day :

Believe in yourself & all that you are . Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle .
~Christian.D.Larson
 

Romantic movies and their Funny EFFECTS …..

I think to a certain extent Hollywood has taken romantic comedy and stabbed it repeatedly in the heart with shitty movies. Romantic movies tend to spill over into  relationships and can create unrealistic expectations of others. . Popular music sings about romance and Hollywood movies celebrate it with a fervor and in a language once reserved for religious devotion. (You’re my all and everything, our love is perfect and eternal, etc.) .Easily identifiable elements of genre do not make story. And worse, I often see those elements used to SELL a story is used to TELL a story.

The girls live in this perception Mr. Right is my soul mate – the one human being on the planet who was specially created to meet all my needs.  he’ll also understand me completely, love me unconditionally, forgive all my shortcomings and always know exactly what I feel and want without my ever having to tell him. Seriously it sounds too sweet to Digest.

It’s with all this “Perfection” tag & the comparison between the Movies or novels & the real life , that creates the problem in the first place. Mills & Boons have really grown its deep roots inside this girls’ mind , that makes her keep whining over all things.

As if that was not enough , the guys were served the Plate of : “The Ugly Truth ” , that makes it even more sick . Now that has given rise to the idea that the more cheap & flirty comments you pass, the more cool  you are , & that attitude is so unbearable .

It’s like both the parties have planted so different ideas & fantasies of romance , that when they actually come across , there is this invisible friction , and the heat is so suffocating , that draws them apart . And than again , we get to hear those comment from guys  :’Girls would never truly understand our idea of love  ‘ & than there are girls shouting :’boys are such a jerks, they would never really be capable of love’.

It’s not entirely their faults , this movies , & novels , & the popular love songs have feed them with such unrealistic fantasies , that could never actually happen , people need to understand the real idea of romance. Its not just sending a bouquet of flower , or running to the airport , its much more that that , ofcourse you can use all this movie formulas to enhance your love life , that s good , but the idea of love should not be compared to those watched in movies , or read in novels , expecting the same proposal , celebrating it on the hot air balloon would not make you happy , if you don;t actually feel for the person standing next to you ,so you need to figure out the difference between the perception and the reality .

One more problem adds up to this , Another destructive element of romanticism is that true believers  tend to neglect all other aspects of their lives in the pursuit of this one pleasure. It’s as if no other satisfaction in life – friendship, career, travel, service, learning, play, sports, political or community involvement, spirituality – is of any value if the lover is absent.A steady diet of romantic fundamentalism can lead to isolation and emotional malnutrition.

The core problem is that when we expect our relationships to conform to impossible standards, disappointment is inevitable. In the love affairs of most devotees of this religion there is an inevitable crisis, in which one or both parties “fall out” of love  because they can no longer ignore the mounting evidence that the partner isn’t “Mr. Right” after all, but a mere mortal. The crisis offers the opportunity to learn to “stand in love” – to let go of the fantasy elements of the relationship and to practice being in partnership with a real human being. But the longing for perfect, “unconditional” love is powerful, and a difficult dream to relinquish.

It isn’t necessary to give up on love to avoid the bad effects of the religion of romance. No one is going to do that anyway, because romantic loveis one of the great delights of life. But if we avoid the mistake of making this experience the one value in life we’re less likely to have wildly unrealistic expectations of what it can provide. We’re less likely to imagine, for instance, that it can eliminate the occasional loneliness that is part of being human, or that it alone is the key to self esteem or a sense of meaning. We can begin to value our time alone as an important oportunity to get to know ourselves. We can approach prospective partners open-eyed, without idealizing them, and without rushing things. We can come to understand that it’s possible to have rich and satisfying lives both when we’re partnered and when we’re single.

I remember this one , Oscar Wilde once said, “In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

 

 

We are internally Hard-wired not to live alone !!!

 

 

I know you have heard this lot , but this fact never goes old, that we just can’t live this life alone. Even in those times when we feel a deep desire to move away from everyone and live our lives in total isolation, something in us reminds us that we were created for relationship.

We all are familiar with  the story of Robinson Crusoe &  his life alone on that island, how the most memorable & happiest moment on that island for him was meeting another man, he couldn’t understand his language but was relieved to have come across a human after such a long period of time.

I know of people who live alone and only connect with other people through chatting, phone calls, e-mails, etc. They go out sometimes, and encounter strangers, but most of the time, they are alone. They manage, but I don’t know if they are content with that. Some might be, some might not be. I know of people who like being alone as well, but there is more to that than just simply loving being alone.

But what if there is no one at all? Like in Robinson Crusoe’s island, with no other human beings to see, no other voices to hear, no phone calls, no internet, no letters.. is it possible for man to survive well all alone until his death?

Well  I know my answer would be an obvious “No” . We cannot live alone, simply  because early or late, we will feel like we needs someone to communicate with, we needs affection also.

I know most of you would argue that , its possible to stay alone , and people do that , ya maybe , but than there is a price to pay for that, the loneliness drives you insane. Have you ever thought about the people you know that are alone and they are a tad bit crazy?

People need someone to be with… although your companion doesn’t have to be a person. Take the movie I Am Legend as another example. Will Smith only had his German Shepherd. At the very least, Smith felt that he was not completely alone. He still had someone he could count on to watch his back.

We don’t even have to take ‘aloneness’ in a literal sense. If, say, I were surrounded by people. All faceless. And here I am nursing this really big emotional wound. I NEED someone to talk to. I NEED someone to be with. A friendly face and some sort of reassurance so I WON’T feel alone with a burden I can’t handle.

Living alone without any contact to other sentient being is a heavy burden to the psychology of human mind.Every human in this worlds, including the loners and shut in, have an tendency to commute with each other. Yes, this can be done through internet (That’s where those shut-ins were born, Internet). Without any contact with other human being, it’s only a matter of time before the logical thinking capability of the lone being reduced into sheer will of surviving. With no logical thinking, the lone being will have loss what we call as “Humanity”

I am like Yes and No for my part. I can live by myself, but I constantly need some attention.

Quote of the day by ― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games:
“I realize, for the first time, how very lonely I’ve been in the arena. How comforting the presence of another human being can be.”

 

 

The World We Live In ……

When we rise in the morning and listen to the radio or read the newspaper, we are confronted with the same sad news: violence, crime, wars, and disasters , Even in these modern times it is clear that one’s precious life is not safe. No former generation has had to experience so much bad news as we face today. It is ironic that the more serious problems emanate from the more industrially advanced societies. Science and technology have worked wonders in many fields, but the basic human problems remain.

Science and technology, though capable of creating immeasurable material comfort, cannot replace the age-old spiritual and humanitarian values that have largely shaped world civilization, in all its national forms, as we know it today.No one can deny the unprecedented material benefit of science and technology, but our basic human problems remain; we are still faced with the same, if not more, suffering, fear, and tension. Thus it is only logical to try to strike a balance between material developments on the one hand and the development of spiritual, human values on the other.

Compassion as the Pillar of World Peace

According to Buddhist psychology, most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities. The pursuit of the objects of our desire and attachment involves the use of aggression and competitiveness as supposedly efficacious instruments.Your compassion is based on altruistic considerations.The rationale for compassion is that every one of us wants to avoid suffering and gain happiness. Our lives are in constant flux, bringing many difficulties. When faced with a calm and clear mind, problems can be successfully resolved.

World Religions for World Peace

All religions agree upon the necessity to control the undisciplined mind that harbours selfishness and other roots of trouble, and each teaches a path leading to a spiritual state that is peaceful, disciplined, ethical, and wise. All the different religions of the world are needed to enrich human experience and world civilization.
If our minds are dominated by anger, we will lose the best part of human intelligence – wisdom, the ability to decide between right and wrong. Anger is one of the most serious problems facing the world today.

Individual Power to Shape Institutions

The greater part of present world tension seems to stem from the ‘Eastern bloc‘ versus ‘Western bloc‘ conflict that has been going on since World War II. These two blocs tend to describe and view each other in a totally unfavourable light. This continuing, unreasonable struggle is due to a lack of mutual affection and respect for each other as fellow human beings.

In the sense that what is required is a sensitive understanding of our common human situation. Hatred and fighting cannot bring happiness to anyone, even to the winners of battles.There is a school of thought that warns us to refrain from politics altogether, as politics has become synonymous with amorality. Politics devoid of ethics does not further human welfare, and life without morality reduces humans to the level of beasts.

For renewal of human values and attainment of lasting happiness, we need to look to the common humanitarian heritage of all nations the world over.

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.

~ Carl Gutsav