Why we choose trouble …..

i knew you were trouble

 

The latest Taylor Swift’s song “I knew you were trouble ” forced me into thinking , why we  choose things that are bad for us …. Although we may not always realize it, we all make unconscious choices when we are attracted to someone. Relationships are already tricky things , they spin your head , & messes with your brain. There is this  habitual behavior, the past  memories and lets not forget expectations.So if you are in a damaged relationship and have picked the wrong guy or girl, disaster is almost sure to follow….

These choices are driven by a number of things, both positive and negative , People often have a weakness for the immediate gratification of a pleasant experience, even if it makes for a very poor decision. Gratification over the long term simply doesn’t deliver the same instant, feel-good & u end up with stack of questions …

-Why you’ve stayed in relationships with people you knew won’t bring  good  to you?

-Why you’ve attracted the kind of person that would bring out the other side of you?

-Why does being with that person is so important for you ?

Well there is this pattern , why people fall for the doomed relationship ….

we tend to bring trouble for ourselves

The first logical reason for it starts with the very basic The origins , where everything begins :THE PAST

When  someone has a particularly negative past, especially one from their childhood, they may seek to recreate this scenario so that they can figure out what went wrong with the original relationship and fix it, thus righting two wrongs.& they end up where they began with….

Another reason is what most people ignore even after its too obvious , the need … As human beings we all have needs – physical, emotional and spiritual and our problems come when we expect our partners to fulfill these. We are often attracted to people who have the same needs as us.

It’s funny, the things that haunt us…those little things of whose memories loom so much larger in our minds than they do in others’…regrets…percolating…boiling over…best to let them out, let them know…let it go…

SO rounding up it all comes to emotional programming , our emotional programming is simply a set of decisions and beliefs we made about ourselves, others, and the world in general when we were growing up ,  Each day that we were alive, we collected experiences, and each experience helped us form decisions about ourselves, and about people, about life.

The clue to solve this is quite simple, WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’VE MADE THE LOVE CHOICES YOU HAVE, YOU WILL THEN BE FREE TO MAKE NEW AND BETTER LOVE CHOICES ~

 

 

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It s simple & yet difficult to love oneself

The one person you can & you should love unconditionally ,the one with whom you never have to explain , the one who would never judge you is YOU , & you  still add up a list of requirements that should be there to love yourself. I mean if you are only loving yourself because of the way you look, or the way you walk , etc etc than you aren’t REALLY loving yourself.Really loving yourself is loving yourself unconditionally – the same way that the people closest to you love unconditionally.

We love our family & our closest friends without any of such conditions , than why we put conditions for ourselves ?

If you like yourself, you will like the people you naturally meet, and they will like you. If you don’t like yourself, you will waste energy trying to get with people who aren’t like you, or you will settle for being with someone you don’t like.

There are two solutions to this. The first, and most important, is to learn to like yourself. The second, is to turn yourself into the person that you want to be.

If you don’t like some of your habits you can always change it , but that should be about evolving , not about changing yourself so that people approves of you , or to get their attention , if you are reason to change is solely to impress others , than you are never going to be happy , you can fake to be happy , but inside their you ll feel the emptiness.

Who are you lying to ? Who are you pretending to than ? No one can make you happy , only you can do that , than why should you waste your valuable life by pretending to be someone else.

Loving yourself, and taking care of yourself – that should be your number one priority. Because if you work at it, you get to a really safe place, where you know, you’ll be okay no matter what. You owe that to yourself. You deserve your own respect.

If you want to like yourself, one way to do it is to realize that you are the perfect You that anyone could be. No-one else can do the things you do quite like you. No-one sees the world quite the same way. No-one has precisely your talents, ambitions, or lack thereof. No-one screws things up the same way, no-one makes the same mistakes and faux pas‘. At being you, for all your faults and weaknesses, you would get an A+. It’s ok to be the way you are – it must be, because the way you are IS the way you are.

If you love yourself, you won’t need to lose weight. If you love yourself, you wont’ need anybody else to tell you for you to know that you are beautiful, brilliant, worthy, important, and awesome.

It’s the root of everything. You. You will be with yourself for the rest of your life – you are the most important thing. You might as well make the relationship between you and you a good one, since you’ll be committed to it for lifetime.

Nobody is perfect and that’s the part of the beauty of being human. Hopefully, as we travel along on life s journey, we become increasingly brave about exploring who we really are and can enjoy sustained, robust, excellent mental health., the nature itself gives that proof , we can evolve , change for better , but being perfect for everything & anything shouldn’t be the idea behind it.

Today’s Thought : ” Explore yourself , trust your uniqueness , & be proud of your own individuality ”

 

Are you a Believer ??

 

iiteeeestudents

Twilight Breaking Dawn Finale once again makes a World Record of Global Opening , credit goes to Twihards , on the contrary of the ones who hate twilight series ….
The movie is famous for its happy ever after , & is hopelessly romantic , but is it a bad thing ?
Just like the movie has got two big clubs : Twihards vs Hateclub , the world is divided in people who believes in Happy Ever After & the other part who does not believe anything like that exist …

I am a more of a believer , people say hopelessly romantic as an offensive word , but I think of it as a positive word.Someone who believes in a true love. This true love endures time and circumstance in the hopeless romantic’s heart. This person is a believer and a dreamer. They do not qualify as a stalker because they don’t want to infringe on the rights of others.

Again they shouldn’t be confused by the hyper , pessimistic ,attention-seekers who put the cart before the horse and most likely burden their friends with expenses for their cry-baby behavior, never ending sad stories, their pessimism, & making the world revolve around themselves.

Well ofcourse the hopeless romantic ones believe in fairy tales and love But they’re not to be confused as stalkers or creepy because that’s not what a hopeless romantic is. They are idealists,the sentimental dreamers,the imaginative and the fanciful. They like to see the best , all the negativity  are out weighed by the little positive they see . So how can they be hopeless , I think they are the ones who are so filled with hope . They don’t give up , They are stronger & that makes them unique.

The thing that might be a problem with the “hopeless romantics ” are that they care too much , Little things break them , & little things warm their hearts. They give a lot of emotion, which can be good or bad thing ~~

I think that we all need to be more patient with our lives and relationships, but that we’re too impatient to wait, so we end up heartbroken and give up on love before we even know what the word truly means It’s truly tragic…..

It is evident that most people do not understand the true value, meaning or definition of the word love. Admiration, caring and respect are the cornerstones of love. I’m not going to look up any definitions of love, it is plain and simple, either you do or you don’t. And those who cannot will never have known that there was something to live for.

With this , I am gonna wind up my not so perfect post on :
“It’s better to be loved & lost , than never to be loved at all”

The recipe to successful book or movie ……

The most popular topic, read & written ,  of all time is a relationship between a man & woman :
How  to date someone ! How to make a boyfriend ! How to save your marriage !!
& all such other tips are provided by ‘Relationship Experts’.

By reading such self help books , people think they are finally getting the answers , because everyone’s facing some or the other problem & they are trying to get answers , what better than books , no need to tell or discuss with any one , the plate is served in front of you .

Those books have made such a huge success , it couldn’t hide it  from the hollywood directors , since last 20 years , many movies are based on best sellers ,  the latest gossip within that s going on is making a movie on : “50 Shades of Grey”, which is popularly known as “Mommy porn”  that’s redefining “tying the knot.” Thanks to E.L. James  millions of mommies – and non-mommies are devouring detailed accounts of a BDSM (bondage and discipline; sadism and masochism) relationship that takes place between an inexperienced female college student and a dashingly dominating and disgustingly rich dude.The cast is yet to be finalized.

Last year Julia Roberts starred movie “Eat Pray Love ”  based on the best seller novel of the same name by Elizabeth Gilbert was released , & it hit the box office charts , it was also on the same theme , a woman in search of a successful relationship.

Another popular movie Bridget Jones’s Diary is a 2001 British romantic comedy film based on Helen Fielding‘s novel of the same name  , the third sequel to the movie is in the process . In this movie , 30 years of Bridget finds herself lonely without love in her life at this stage .

Its not like all movies & novels finds the loving fans , it didn’t happened with the movie Think Like a Man  released in april month  based onSteve Harvey‘s 2009 book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man , ofcourse most of the fans of this novel are women , but than the ones opposing this theory of Steve are also women .The fans of this novel have accepted him as their Love expert & the Guider , while their is this group of women , who thinks Steve has made a theory based on only man’s perspective , & Steve has projected that only women are responsible for the problems in a relationship.

While talking of all famous novels , I couldn’t miss the novel tagged as the Bible of relationships  Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by  John Gray , published in 1992 , it sold 70 lakh copies. There is this rumor going on that a movie is planned on this , while its difficult task to make a movie on non fiction novel. It takes a lot to keep the same essence that was felt by the readers while reading the novel . Most of the movies fails at this point, they might hit the box office charts , but couldn’t satisfy the original readers of the book.

There is a long list of movies based on best sellers , like  Mean Girls directed by Mark Waters , based in part on the non-fiction book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman , He’s Just Not That Into You by Ken Kwapis, based on the self-help book of the same name by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, which in turn was inspired by a line of dialogue in Sex and the City.

It seems that even though women might  be at the top in all the fields , its still not easy to climb the ladder of successful relationship , that is the only possible reason why such self help books , & movies are such a success , this recipe definitely works for the writers as well as directors . The next hit novel could be Think like a Woman….

Romantic movies and their Funny EFFECTS …..

I think to a certain extent Hollywood has taken romantic comedy and stabbed it repeatedly in the heart with shitty movies. Romantic movies tend to spill over into  relationships and can create unrealistic expectations of others. . Popular music sings about romance and Hollywood movies celebrate it with a fervor and in a language once reserved for religious devotion. (You’re my all and everything, our love is perfect and eternal, etc.) .Easily identifiable elements of genre do not make story. And worse, I often see those elements used to SELL a story is used to TELL a story.

The girls live in this perception Mr. Right is my soul mate – the one human being on the planet who was specially created to meet all my needs.  he’ll also understand me completely, love me unconditionally, forgive all my shortcomings and always know exactly what I feel and want without my ever having to tell him. Seriously it sounds too sweet to Digest.

It’s with all this “Perfection” tag & the comparison between the Movies or novels & the real life , that creates the problem in the first place. Mills & Boons have really grown its deep roots inside this girls’ mind , that makes her keep whining over all things.

As if that was not enough , the guys were served the Plate of : “The Ugly Truth ” , that makes it even more sick . Now that has given rise to the idea that the more cheap & flirty comments you pass, the more cool  you are , & that attitude is so unbearable .

It’s like both the parties have planted so different ideas & fantasies of romance , that when they actually come across , there is this invisible friction , and the heat is so suffocating , that draws them apart . And than again , we get to hear those comment from guys  :’Girls would never truly understand our idea of love  ‘ & than there are girls shouting :’boys are such a jerks, they would never really be capable of love’.

It’s not entirely their faults , this movies , & novels , & the popular love songs have feed them with such unrealistic fantasies , that could never actually happen , people need to understand the real idea of romance. Its not just sending a bouquet of flower , or running to the airport , its much more that that , ofcourse you can use all this movie formulas to enhance your love life , that s good , but the idea of love should not be compared to those watched in movies , or read in novels , expecting the same proposal , celebrating it on the hot air balloon would not make you happy , if you don;t actually feel for the person standing next to you ,so you need to figure out the difference between the perception and the reality .

One more problem adds up to this , Another destructive element of romanticism is that true believers  tend to neglect all other aspects of their lives in the pursuit of this one pleasure. It’s as if no other satisfaction in life – friendship, career, travel, service, learning, play, sports, political or community involvement, spirituality – is of any value if the lover is absent.A steady diet of romantic fundamentalism can lead to isolation and emotional malnutrition.

The core problem is that when we expect our relationships to conform to impossible standards, disappointment is inevitable. In the love affairs of most devotees of this religion there is an inevitable crisis, in which one or both parties “fall out” of love  because they can no longer ignore the mounting evidence that the partner isn’t “Mr. Right” after all, but a mere mortal. The crisis offers the opportunity to learn to “stand in love” – to let go of the fantasy elements of the relationship and to practice being in partnership with a real human being. But the longing for perfect, “unconditional” love is powerful, and a difficult dream to relinquish.

It isn’t necessary to give up on love to avoid the bad effects of the religion of romance. No one is going to do that anyway, because romantic loveis one of the great delights of life. But if we avoid the mistake of making this experience the one value in life we’re less likely to have wildly unrealistic expectations of what it can provide. We’re less likely to imagine, for instance, that it can eliminate the occasional loneliness that is part of being human, or that it alone is the key to self esteem or a sense of meaning. We can begin to value our time alone as an important oportunity to get to know ourselves. We can approach prospective partners open-eyed, without idealizing them, and without rushing things. We can come to understand that it’s possible to have rich and satisfying lives both when we’re partnered and when we’re single.

I remember this one , Oscar Wilde once said, “In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”